Here we are, then.
Welcome to the birth of a new blog. It is the beginning (expansions, explosions, stars, nebulae). The beginning of an emotional wreckage, growth, and the progression into… I’m not really one for spewing out rubbish about self-improvement and all that, but… the best version of myself I can possibly be, really.
The best I can possibly be. How ambitious of me. (We’ve a long way to go, yet.)
Welcome, to the insights of a personality donned by me”The Ice Man”, mind of objective callousness, thoughts the very paragon of unhealthy romanticisation of pain and hurt and suffering (namely my own inconsequential and petty problems). Perhaps, if I continue in this dreadfully maudlin way of mine, you will be closer to me than anyone or anything in my life. If you are willing to be, that is. (I am doing the work of revealing myself. You are doing the work of being… not unpleasant. Which is more than I could ever ask for.)
It is the beginning (school, people, emptiness, delusions of happiness).
It’s meaningless, isn’t it – we have looped around the Sun once again, time has passed, we celebrate – but then, life is meaningless. We are meaningless. Everything has no meaning until we bestow one upon it. So, I suppose, why not. Let the humans live their happiness. Let them enjoy their world of structure and meaning and let them complete objectively meaningless things (as opposed to wasting away in bed, forever in an existential crisis – which is me, by the way).
Is this blog a New Year’s Resolution? Perhaps it would be, if I ever participated in such a thing. (As if we are not on a perpetual journey of development and improvement. As if the event possesses enough force to motivate me to begin and sustain new resolutions.) Today just seemed like a good day, if I’m honest. And a good day means me, sunken into the horrors of my own mind for long enough to write about it.
Well, you can see that I am pleasant enough. It’s obvious, isn’t it, that I do not possess the ability to make friendly conversation and talk to strangers. Because they ask me questions, and I have answers that are concerning at best and cynical at worst. Most of all, they are different. Unusual. Unusual enough to make people’s face contort into an awkward grimace and walk away. So of course, I can’t say them out loud.
(It’s also obvious that I overuse brackets. Perhaps it is just the comfortable intimacy of confiding that I adore. Or perhaps the subtlety of subtext, so subtle in speech and body language that people miss it. But it cannot be missed here. And I use it still.)
2015 was a…nother year. I lived. It was fun, sometimes.